When did the automatic answer to “How are you?” become “Busy, but good!” or “You know, running crazy as always” or some similar statement? I believe strongly that language has power, and that we should pay attention to the words we use. One of these words is “busy”, the other is “overwhelm”. Both should be red flag words to pause on, as they may be impacting your emotional state.
The word “busy”, to me, can indicate so much. Are you overbooking yourself? Setting poor boundaries? Operating from a time-scarcity mindset or managing your time poorly? Or, are you filling your free time with tasks and productivity to feel productive or worthy? Yes, we are busy in our world today; but that must not define us. The state of feeling “busy” is common, and valid, but also can be an important signal word to pause for reflection (if you have time, haha).
When feelings of being too “busy” compound, we begin to use the word “overwhelmed”. I hear this word most when clients are feeling that their life has so many stressors that they are losing control. They may be struggling with deadlines, children, household and family roles, and a lengthy to-do list, and wondering why they’ve lost their footing. What continues to strike me, is the seemingly unconscious guilt comes with the word “overwhelmed”. There is almost always an implication that one should be keeping up with all of the moving parts and pieces. So, instead of saying “overwhelmed”, we should actually be saying, “behind on everything, and worried and stressed, and feeling guilty about all of that”. ugh.
What if, instead, we used the word “overstimulated”, attributing the blame and responsibility to the amount of tasks and directions we are being pulled? This may clear the emotional fog of “overwhelm guilt” enough to get back on track. This isn’t to say we shouldn’t do these tasks, but rather do them in an intentional way, and delegate if needed.
For example, if someone has massive credit card debt, they may start to feel shame and regret, even paralysis, and label it “overwhelm”. They begin to question themselves and enter the emotional cycle of “should's” and self-blame, with little progress towards paying down the debt. Alternatively, the person could recognize the debt as a result of living beyond one’s means and act on addressing a more efficient budget.
Ultimately, our actions speak louder than our words, so the saying goes. But along the way, let’s reexamine the emotional effects of our word choice, and step outside of the “overwhelm guilt”.
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